Okay, I will admit, I was always the child that questioned EVERYTHING? If my mom told me to do something, I asked why? If my teacher told me something as fact, I asked, "how do you know that?" And, as long as you could give me a plausible answer to back up what you said, I was fine with it. I guess I have carried that trait into my grown-up personal life (I know I carried into my grown up professional life, though I try to ask it internally more). Maybe I think too much, or maybe I don't think enough, but I have to say, something that I read last night really bugged me....and maybe I am reading too much into it, you decide.
As everyone knows, I am pregnant for the second time. And, as most of you know, I quit breastfeeding with my first after four days. I know, I held on for as long as I cold, I don't like to be known as a quitter. But, looking back on my decision, I know I gave up too quickly, and I know I put too much pressure on myself. However, I decided it was in the best interest of my child and myself to switch to formula feeding (and yes, there is something to be said for feeding your child and sipping a glass of red wine at the same time...)
I have made the decision to try again, though. I feel that I owe it to myself and my baby to try, and we'll decide together what's best. So, this time, I am actually trying to educate myself on techniques and other things that I probably should have known the first time around. I am the type of person that I am fearful of the unknown - if I have the "know how" then I feel more prepared and a little less overwhelmed.
A friend of mine gave me a book to read so I started last night. And it really is a good book in terms of the facts about correct positioning, how to store your milk, how soon after delivery to do you start, etc, etc, etc....however (and now to the point of this blog) I was a little offended by the insults the author made to women that did decide to formula feed, to the women that gave up on breastfeeding, to the women's "support" that didn't give the proper support when a woman was thinking about quitting, and to the woman who made the decision and the "harm" she has caused her child. Now, with that said, I can say, "I am a formula fed baby that, aside from some genetic issues with my tonsils and adenoids, I rarely ever got sick, I finished in the top 11 of my graduating class (out of almost 400) and graduated college in 3 1/2 years....so I don't think that breastfeeding would have made much difference. I can also say that my son, exclusively formula fed except for his first 4 days, has had 1 ear infection (can you hear me knocking on wood?), been sick maybe twice, and, if I do say so myself, is very smart for his three years. When he was 6 months old, his doctor told me that he was very advanced in his social skills.
Now, I do know that, scientifically, there are benefits to breastfeeding, I am not debating that. What I am debating is the idea that mothers who choose not to breastfeed are somehow "bad" mothers, the way this author was insinuating. There is enough pressure on every mother out there today, do we really need more? Do we really need to question our decisions, and then have someone tell us that we are wrong? While a part of me wishes that I had educated myself more with my first, I think the decision that I made actually made me a better mother, because, after I made the decision (through frantic phone calls and lots of tears), I relaxed for the first time and held my baby with all of my love while he ate formula - and he was happy. So, to all of you mothers out there, do what is best for you. Do not listen to the insults or the judgements. And all of you other people out there, think twice before passing judgement on someone else. You haven't walked in their shoes.
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