Back to the Grind

Today is my last day of freedom. Tomorrow, it's back to reality.  Work, kids, school, chores, etc. etc. etc.  And this year I have resolved to find more time for myself, be a little "selfish", if you wish.  For two years I have put my life on hold for the wants and needs of others.  The "needs" are my kids, and that's a given.  The "wants" are my husband's.  So, this year, I am going to take back a little bit.  I need to exercise (who else makes this a resolution every year?) and lose 15 pounds, I want (and need) to get my haircut more often and get my eyebrows waxed on a more regular basis, and I need at least one day every other week to myself.  I need (yes, this is a need, not a want) to be able to spend some time by myself.  After two years, I feel that I am deserving of a little "me" time....is this too much?  Here's to 2012!

2011

As we come to a close for this year, I have to reflect on how things went this past year.  The main focus, other than my family of course, was my husbands business.  The harder he worked, the harder it seemed everything worked against him.  But just as well, the business started taking over our lives and ever since he decided to shut the doors in November, things have definitely turned around.  While opportunity waits for him, his spirit is better and he seems more positive.  The kids continue to be the light of my life and when everything seems to be going bad, all I have to do is look at them and it makes everything better.  Work is work.  I love my job and look forward to new opportunities to move forward and up; the question is, when will this opportunity occur?  With the government's budget and the economic situation, I am thankful that I have my position and until opportunity comes knocking on my door, I will continue to appreciate the opportunity that I have been given.   Some people tend to look at the negative and say, "Why?"  I choose to look at the negative and say, "Okay, I can handle this."  Everything happens for a reason and I am looking forward to what 2012 will bring!  Here's to a happy and healthy New Year.  LML!!

To All the Stay at Home Moms, I Salute You

Friday was Veteran's Day and in the spirit of being a Federal employee and honoring all of those who have served for us, I got the day off.  Now, before I get started, let me say that I am proud to be an American and I am proud of all of our service men and women, past and present, that have put their lives on the line for our freedom and the freedom of so many others.

But, back to my story....I don't know how you do it, all of the moms that have chosen to work as a full time mom (and I use that term with hesitation because I am a full time mom, I just don't stay home so please, give me a better phrase).  First of all, I woke up at the same time I do every day.  There is no sleeping in that's for sure.  Then I have this grandiose idea that I am going to get all of my errands run on Friday so I didn't have to do it all weekend.  We get dressed and get across town to Sam's Club for our first stop, only to find out that they don't open to regular members until 10 am - who knew this?  Not a problem, I thought, I will go to my next stop and come back.  Although I had planned on being home in time to make lunch at 11:30 and nap time by 12:15 to keep him on his normal schedule, that didn't happen.  What I thought would only take 5 minutes in Michael's took 45 (did I forget to mention that I had my two year old with me?)  We had to look at every Santa Claus, every light, every bow, and every Christmas Village house in the place.  And every time we saw a Santa Claus we had to say, "Ho, ho, ho to all and all good night." (Yes, I am teaching my child about the commercial side of Christmas, I can't help it, Santa is everywhere!).  We had to go back to Sam's (again, who doesn't open their doors before 10 am) and deal with traffic navigating through town (give me 695 any day of the week compared to around town traffic).  We finally get home and I make his favorite grill cheese, give him some milk and alas, nap time.  I sit down, prop my feet up, and then promptly said a bad word because I forgot to put the next load of laundry in.  So, while my little angel slept, I washed clothes, folded clothes, put clothes up, and emptied the dishwasher. 

Two hours later, my little angel woke up, I hurried to change his diaper, throw his jacket and shoes on and bolt out of the door for 2:30 doctor's appointment, only to remember halfway out of the neighborhood that I forgot juice and snack - oh dear.  I promised Little Bit that mommy would get him a surprise after the doctor and off we went.  Of course, I didn't tell him he was having blood taken and it was a big long needle that they jammed into his arm after cutting off his circulation and then they leave it in there to fill up tube after tube of the red stuff.  Whew, made it through that without hitting, scratching, or running away, and the baby did good too.  Off for ice cream - except I had my heart set on the new Sonic and after an hour of trying to locate it, I decided it might be best to just go home.

It was time for afternoon activity, so I got him some juice and some goldfish, and we started coloring and putting puzzles together.  I remembered that I left something upstairs, so, after making sure he was occupied with something that couldn't harm him (he was intently playing with an etch a sketch), I ran upstairs, grabbed the stuff, took a box to the recycling and went back downstairs and again, shouted a four letter word (it could have been more, that part of my day got all fuzzy) and just stared in disbelief.  My little angel had apparently decided he wanted to look like his daddy or his Uncle Josh and took a brown magic marker and went to work, drawing a beard on his face, scribble to look like (I'm guessing) chest hair on his chest, scribble on his legs and then he started on the couch.  Two different places on the couch and then the pretty, decorative pillows that go on the couch.  I could have died right there.  Finally, after an hour of scrubbing (I must send Resolve with Oxi Clean a thank you note) it was time to start dinner.  I've got chicken in the oven, apples for applesauce in the steamer, washing potatoes and snapping green beans then my husband calls.  he is supposed to pick up my step son at 5:30, it is 5:35 and he is calling to tell me that he is late and can I please go pick him up.  So off I go again, turning everything but the chicken off, flying out the door, pick my stepson up and fly home just in time to not burn the house down.

We eat, give baths, clean up and my sweet angels snuggle on the couch like nothing happened all day.  The boys go to bed, which is usually our time to be adults for a minute, to watch something other than Sprout on the TV, but I was exhausted.  So, on 11/11/11, on a day to remember, I went to bed at 8:30.  I couldn't take any more.

So, to all of you mother's out there that do this every day, I have one question....How do you do it and still look so put together?  My blood pressure was high just from trying to navigate through traffic, I was so mad at Sam's Club for throwing off my whole plan, I wanted dinner on the table at 6:15 and with the magic marker incident and the late husband that didn't happen and to top it all off, I never got my slushy from Sonic!

I honor you and I envy you!!!

When Love Counts the Most

On March 29th, I stood there, in front of God and all of our family and friends and said, "For better, for worse; for richer, for poorer."  Did I really mean that?  At the time, they are just words, you think.  There is no way I could get any poorer than I am now, you think.  "For better, for worse..." - well, you say that on what is the best day of your life.  You can't even think about worse.  It can't get worse.  You are marrying the man of your dreams, you're happy, on cloud nine....but then life happens.  And (almost) four years later, I look at my husband and realize how true those words are.  For better or for worse, I wouldn't be anywhere else!

Two Years Ago....

Two years ago, I was sitting exactly where I sat today (two years ago it was because my doctor told me I needed to rest, today it was because my almost two year old (tomorrow!) had a a fever.  All day long, I kept thinking, "how funny; how ironic."  I can't believe it's been two years.  Everyone said cherish each moment because it goes by so fast.  Of course, I didn't believe them, two years is a long time.  But as I sit here today, I wonder, have I cherished each moment?  Have I taken enough time to "stop and smell the roses"?  Or have I been too worried about getting it all done and being the perfect wife, the perfect mom, the perfect coworker to have let these two years fly by without realizing how fortunate I am.  I am a mom.  I have someone that needs me, if only to cuddle in the middle of the night because he had a bad dream.  I bathe him and take care of him and love him so much.  But does he know this?  Have I shown him enough how special he is to me?  October 1, 2009 changed my life forever.  And I don't ever want him to think that I don't think he is one of the most important people in my life, if not the most important.  Everything I do I do it for him, but from this day forward I will not put anything before him.  That is my birthday gift to him....me.

Sunday Afternoons

Oh how I love Sunday afternoons.  All the laundry is done, errands run, soup in the crock pot, toddler napping.  It is the best time during the week.  No going 110 miles an hour; it is my time to actually sit with my feet propped up on the couch and do whatever I want to do.  I do not have to try to understand toddler-speak, I don't have to nag my husband to put away the bread in the kitchen after he is done using it.  While I love trying to translate my son's language and I really love to nag my husband, I look forward to my time.  Does this make me selfish?  Maybe.  But I figured there are 7 days in a week, I am selfless 6 of those days, I am allowed to be selfish for one.  I allowed to sit on fanny and do nothing for a couple of hours one day a week.  Don't take away my Sundays!  Oops, I hear the baby.  Sunday afternoon is officially over! 

Summer's End

It's been awhile since I last wrote.  Summer got the best of me like it always does.  You think you have so much time and before you know it, the long days are getting shorter, school is back in session and another summer has set.  Now it's time to think about fall and fall activities, namely Halloween.  I have decided that I want to be able to make my children's Halloween costumes, much like my mother did when I was growing up.  I remember her sitting at her sewing machine, sewing an eye patch for one of us who decided to be a pirate that year.  My husband thinks I am crazy.  Says that I can sew "in all my spare time."  But I want to be that mom.  I want to be able to come home from work and be the mom that tucks her kids into bed and works on all of her projects.  Is it so wrong to want it all?  And maybe I'll get so good at sewing that I can make clothes for my family too....who knows.  maybe I'll be the next designer on Project Runway.  But for now I'll stick with the basics....and Halloween costumes!